Job hopping for motherly care
Friday April 30, 2010
WHY NOT?
By RASLAN SHARIF
If you believe parenting cannot be left to the maid, then a two-income family is out of the question.
THERE is this saying, and I’m sure you’ve heard it before: You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.
Oftentimes, we take for granted certain things because we’ve always had it. We only sense a loss, and sometimes express belated gratitude, when we no longer have those things.
I might sound like an old man right now, but bear with me.
There is a state that is to my mind even worse than that which I have just described. It is when you are at a loss from the outset because you have not even had that particular thing in the first place.
It’s not just that you don’t know what you’re missing; it’s also being deprived, without you really knowing it, especially if you’re still a child.
I remember my school days clearly, or rather, being home after a day at school.
My mother, a full-time housewife who was once a teacher, would always be at home when my younger brother and I got back from school.
She would have cooked lunch for us and, throughout the rest of the day, would ensure that we kept to our schedule of homework, study and play, though not necessarily in that order.
In short, she mothered us.
Throughout our schooling years, my mother would always be at our side, a constant presence who would do the things that any mother would, circumstances permitting.
My father, who was a civil servant, would often be home for lunch and be back from work by around 5pm, well before the sun went down.
And probably like any other child, I only “see” this fortunate environment that I grew up in when the circumstances that I find myself in as an adult, a father and husband evoke such memories.
It would be safe to say that raising a family today is quite different in some ways to what my parents went through.
My parents raised four children. Today, many parents would find it difficult to raise a family of that size without both having to work to generate the income necessary for the task.
In fact, it can be difficult enough if you had just one child, especially during the first few years of your working life.
I, of course, speak from experience. When my wife and I were expecting our son nearly 11 years ago, I had to find a new job that paid better, and I got one just about a couple of months before he was born.
This is not say that all was fine with regard to money after that. My wife still had to go back to work, and if it weren’t for the big help in various forms from family and friends in those early years, it would still not have been enough to see us through.
My parents and parents-in-law practically raised my son, with other family members chipping in their time and effort now and then. We would only see him later in the evenings, when we took him home, and during weekends.
When my daughter was born four years later, we had to get a maid, which was the more financially viable option to the alternative of my wife quitting her a job.
So in the mornings, my wife and I would send my son to school before heading for work. My parents would pick him up and send him home later in the afternoon. Meanwhile, my in-laws and the maid looked after our daughter.
As usual, we would only get to see our children at night when we got back from work.
This went on until about two years ago when I told myself that this could not go on, and all those memories about my mother always being at my side when I was growing up came flooding back.
Here were my children, in their early years, when they need their parents the most, and we weren’t there. There would be only a few years before they hit their teens and, as we all know, teenagers don’t really want to be even within 10km of their parents.
My wife and I agreed that we needed to strengthen family bonds and that at least one of us had to watch over our children and see them grow before his or her very eyes.
So I looked for another job and got one that enabled my wife to quit work and devote as much time as was necessary to the children.
I consider myself lucky as I know many parents out there do not have this option. I am not saying that children who grow up without at least their mother being that constantly soothing presence that my mother was will turn out for the worse.
But I think having one parent around would not hurt, if not be advantageous to, the growth and development of the children.
> Raslan Sharif will make sure he and his children remain ever grateful to everyone who helped when help was needed.
WHY NOT?
By RASLAN SHARIF
If you believe parenting cannot be left to the maid, then a two-income family is out of the question.
THERE is this saying, and I’m sure you’ve heard it before: You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.
Oftentimes, we take for granted certain things because we’ve always had it. We only sense a loss, and sometimes express belated gratitude, when we no longer have those things.
I might sound like an old man right now, but bear with me.
There is a state that is to my mind even worse than that which I have just described. It is when you are at a loss from the outset because you have not even had that particular thing in the first place.
It’s not just that you don’t know what you’re missing; it’s also being deprived, without you really knowing it, especially if you’re still a child.
I remember my school days clearly, or rather, being home after a day at school.
My mother, a full-time housewife who was once a teacher, would always be at home when my younger brother and I got back from school.
She would have cooked lunch for us and, throughout the rest of the day, would ensure that we kept to our schedule of homework, study and play, though not necessarily in that order.
In short, she mothered us.
Throughout our schooling years, my mother would always be at our side, a constant presence who would do the things that any mother would, circumstances permitting.
My father, who was a civil servant, would often be home for lunch and be back from work by around 5pm, well before the sun went down.
And probably like any other child, I only “see” this fortunate environment that I grew up in when the circumstances that I find myself in as an adult, a father and husband evoke such memories.
It would be safe to say that raising a family today is quite different in some ways to what my parents went through.
My parents raised four children. Today, many parents would find it difficult to raise a family of that size without both having to work to generate the income necessary for the task.
In fact, it can be difficult enough if you had just one child, especially during the first few years of your working life.
I, of course, speak from experience. When my wife and I were expecting our son nearly 11 years ago, I had to find a new job that paid better, and I got one just about a couple of months before he was born.
This is not say that all was fine with regard to money after that. My wife still had to go back to work, and if it weren’t for the big help in various forms from family and friends in those early years, it would still not have been enough to see us through.
My parents and parents-in-law practically raised my son, with other family members chipping in their time and effort now and then. We would only see him later in the evenings, when we took him home, and during weekends.
When my daughter was born four years later, we had to get a maid, which was the more financially viable option to the alternative of my wife quitting her a job.
So in the mornings, my wife and I would send my son to school before heading for work. My parents would pick him up and send him home later in the afternoon. Meanwhile, my in-laws and the maid looked after our daughter.
As usual, we would only get to see our children at night when we got back from work.
This went on until about two years ago when I told myself that this could not go on, and all those memories about my mother always being at my side when I was growing up came flooding back.
Here were my children, in their early years, when they need their parents the most, and we weren’t there. There would be only a few years before they hit their teens and, as we all know, teenagers don’t really want to be even within 10km of their parents.
My wife and I agreed that we needed to strengthen family bonds and that at least one of us had to watch over our children and see them grow before his or her very eyes.
So I looked for another job and got one that enabled my wife to quit work and devote as much time as was necessary to the children.
I consider myself lucky as I know many parents out there do not have this option. I am not saying that children who grow up without at least their mother being that constantly soothing presence that my mother was will turn out for the worse.
But I think having one parent around would not hurt, if not be advantageous to, the growth and development of the children.
> Raslan Sharif will make sure he and his children remain ever grateful to everyone who helped when help was needed.
posted by Toyers at
6:09 PM
0 Comments
